Getting Specific
Why Coaches Ask A Lot of Questions (and you should, too)
Vizzini: Inconceivable!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
-from “The Princess Bride”
When I’m coaching my clients I ask a lot of questions. One of the reasons I ask so many questions is, because, much like the quote above, words don’t always mean the same thing to each of us.
Take for example a client who tells me they want more freetime. I might respond by asking “What do you mean by freetime?” Occasionally when I am asking a question like this, there is an annoyed silence on the other side. “Did she really just ask me what ‘freetime’ means? Isn’t that obvious?” Turns out it isn’t and here is why:
For some people ‘freetime’ means having a half hour everyday to work on their novel afterwork everyday, for other people ‘freetime’ is no less than half a weekend day all to themselves, and for others, ‘freetime’ means only working a four day workweek because they need a whole day for their own project developments.
The key here is that a coach needs to know exactly what you mean when you say what you want. I liken this to hiking when talking with my clients. Generally when we go for a hike, we have a destination in mind, a beautiful vista, a lake to swim in, a mountain peak. We choose our path based on our destination and when we are coaching, we need to be clear on the destination as well. If I’m thinking freetime means three hours on the weekend and you really just want thirty minutes afterwork every day, well, our coaching session is going to be confusing.
The tip is also helpful for life in general. The more specific you can be about your goals, about your dreams, about the project you are working on at work, the more likely you are to hit your target. In reality, a lot of it is a cascading effect. The more clear you are on the goal, the more obvious the steps become to get there. If I say “I want more freetime to myself.” Well, that is pretty unspecific and your chances for getting what I want are highly unlikely. You increase your odds of getting what you want when you can say, “I want more freetime to myself so I can work on finishing my novel. If I could just find 30 minutes afterwork every day for a month, I think I could finish it. Then I could continue using those 30 minutes everyday after work to edit it, then marketing it out to editors.” Suddenly the actions you need to take start becoming very clear. That’s because you’ve made your destination clear and the road to getting there starts to show itself. Sure there are more steps between each of those big steps, but beginning with an outline ensures greater success.
So I encourage you, next time you find yourself thinking about something you want, try and get very specific and detailed about what you want. See what happens. The road to success may just start to show up! And if you are curious what it’s like to be asked a bunch of questions by a coach, please book one of my FREE 90-minute coaching sessions.