When Something Has to Give

It’s that time of year when the kids go back to school and write their essays on what they did over the summer. This blog is going to be a bit like that, except more like, “What I didn’t do over the summer and why.” Think of it as a glimpse into how a coach thinks, with tips at the end for how to coach yourself when a coach isn’t around (though you can always schedule a complimentary coaching session with me, too!)

What I didn’t do this summer was publish anything on any social media for my business. I took a pause for the summer.  I wrote no blogs.  I published no blogs.  I posted nothing on Facebook or any other social media (for work purposes, at least).  This bothered me mildly when facebook would send me a notification that someone had visited my facebook page.  “Argh, there’s nothing new on there!” I would steam for a minute.  Then I would remind myself, “Remember you decided to take the summer off,” and it’s true, I did. 

At the start of summer I found myself suffering. I was feeling overwhelmed and distracted while still trying to: Enjoy summer with my family; Enjoy the trips we had planned with family and friends; Continue coaching with my clients; Keep growing my business by writing blogs and reaching out via social media; AND tend to all the other life maintenance issues.  At some point I realized it was too much and something had to give because I was too stressed and distracted to coach well and enjoy my family and our trips.  When I looked at my values and priorities, the order of priority was clear:

1. Family

2. Time with extended family and friends

3. My clients

4. Keeping clean clothes on our backs, food in our bellies, the gas and light bills paid (AKA basic life maintenance issues)

5. Blog writing

When I saw something had to give or everything would pay the cost, I intentionally decided to set aside blog writing and business growth for the summer. To be honest, at that point I wasn’t even doing them. I was just feeling bad about the fact that I felt like I should be doing them.  Acknowledging the problem (I’m not doing the blog writing I’m saying I should be doing and feeling bad about it)  and making some clear decisions based on my values (okay, for the summer, let’s not do any more blog writing.  Put a note in your calendar to get back at it once summer is over and enjoy your summer), allowed me to responsibly set aside a commitment I have and enjoy the rest of my summer (which was awesome! See pic below.).

This is the Midwest????? Secret Vacation Spot, Lake Superior, Marquette, Michigan

So now I’m back.  Writing this blog.  Feeling excited and refreshed, savoring the memories from a great summer.  I’m sharing this experience because I feel there are at least two important points to this post:

#1

I’m human!  I coach because I have learned and practiced the skills to coach, NOT because I am perfect.  I have incomplete items on my todo list like most of my clients, the difference is I make sure I’ve decided to leave them undone for now and that I am okay with it.  There is no background guilt or bad feelings.  Frequently, my clients come to me because their incompletions at work, home, or personally are running their lives and it doesn’t feel good.  In coaching we work to switch this around and put the client back in control and feeling good about it.

#2

This anecdote is a mini-glimpse into my coaching.  I made the decisions above in a personal coaching session with myself.  (also known as journaling)  The example above is a very general example of how my coaching works: What’s the problem (I’m not getting my blog written and it’s really bothering me), What would I like instead (To enjoy my summer and not carry around these bad feelings), Why? (Because my kids are getting older by the minute and I only have so many more summers with them), and finally, the question my clients hear me say so often: “So what would be the most impactful step you could take right now?” (Accept I’m not going to get the blogs written because it’s just not a priority for me, my kids are.  Recommit post-summer. Enjoy my family now.). Tada!

Sounds simple, right?  Clearly identifying the issues that are frustrating you and making the best decisions for yourself can be tough when you are in the thick of it.  That’s why coaching is so helpful.  Having someone to listen to you and ask you thoughtful questions, so you can start creating productive solutions and be held accountable to them helps you through this process.  And the best part?  You don’t need me as your coach forever.  How long a client works with me is up to them, but how long you continue to use these coaching strategies in your life is up to you. In fact, here is a coaching strategy you can start to use right now on your own when you find yourself with an upset and no ideas for a solution.

How to Coach Yourself When A Coach Isn’t Around

1. Find a quiet, block of time when you can journal. Then….

2. Identify the problem - I’m upset about my fitness

3. Identify what you would like instead - I would really like to be able to run a marathon again.

4. Spend some time thinking about why this is important to you (It will help with your commitment and motivation) - I loved how fit I felt the last time I ran a marathon. Plus I loved the training. Really, I loved how I felt for the rest of the day after I had a good training run. I felt like I had more pep in my step overall when I trained for my last marathon.

5. Identify one small step you can take that will get you closer to what you really want - I could print out Hal Higdon’s training schedule and start following that. I’ll need to find some time in my calendar to schedule the runs as well. I should go get my calendar now and figure that out.

6. Find ways to hold yourself accountable - Scheduling the dates in my calendar definitely increases the odds of me getting back to running, but I’d probably do even better if I found a running partner or running group. I’ll stop by my running shoe store tomorrow and see if they have any suggestions for me.
   

This is a pretty quick example and it will probably take you longer to identify what exactly is bothering you or what you would like instead. Interestingly, once those two items are identified my clients rarely have issues coming up with ideas for how to address the problem. #6 is also sometimes tricky and another place where coaching really makes a difference. Talking with a coach every week or every other week is the ultimate form of accountability, but you can also keep track of a new habit like running on your calendar or celebrate an accomplishment with friends or tell everyone who will listen what you plan to do so they can all help you stay accountable. Methods of accountability vary, the only important point is that you stay accountable.

So there you go. I hope this was helpful for you. I share the experience because it was extremely helpful for me. I had a great summer and so did my family and my clients received excellent coaching as well. Additionally, here I am, back at the blog writing and soon to return to the social medias. Everyone wins! And that’s exactly what I hope for you as well.

If you found something of value for yourself in this blog, consider scheduling one of my FREE 90-minute Coaching Calls.  It’s a great way to see if my coaching might be helpful for you.